What would you do if you’d won the lottery ten years ago? Five? Now?

(Given our lack of updates over the past four years, we’ve decided to start updating this with some hypotheticals and conversations. At least until we get the podcast started again.)

Mr. D: Ten years ago, I would have quit school, moved to Albuquerque to be with my girlfriend, bought a house and generally ruined my life.

Dr. C: Agreed. And I would probably have… rented an office space, hired a few freelance writers, and started my own humor magazine.

Mr. D: And you would have been successful, too! The only thing that stopped you was having to do all of the business side. What about five years ago?

Dr. C: If I’d won like $10 million five years ago, I would have probably taken a leave of absence from my Ph.D., moved to California, and tried to be a screenwriter for a few years. I had that draft I was ready to send out and never actually pulled the trigger on.

Mr. D: Yeah, I think that might have worked out, too. I think I would have… bought a house and things for my wife. And… oh shit! I would have lost half of that when we split up!

Dr. C: Ha ha ha ha ha. Why is it that every time you get money, it ruins your life, but every time I get money, I’m awesome?

Today’s Question: Be Gay or Celibate

If you had to choose between all the sex you could want— with a gender you don’t— or no sex at all, what would you choose? In this episode we discover that this is NOT an Inclusive Or: you can’t choose both.
Also, we find out Daniel likes bears and gives into prison sex suspiciously easily.

The Best Panhandler on Ninth Street

Carlos tells a nice story about how– with the right view of life– you, too, can spend hundreds of dollars on blow tonight. Daniel tells a story he immediately regrets. But it’s okay: you’ll regret listening to it, too.

Apparently Carlos can take a punch

This classic recording is from October 9, 2008 and chronicles Carlos’ exploits at being exploited. As you can see– we’ve had the idea for this podcast for over two years… If only we’d bothered spending that time increasing the quality of our episodes.

Internal Dialogues Gives You Bad Advice

In an effort to test their empathy after a failed test, Carlos and Daniel decide to answer some real questions for real advice columnists… only to realize that real people are stupid and real advice isn’t fun.